Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
