Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
