I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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