She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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