Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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