the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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