Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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