How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
