WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He did a backflip because drugs
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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