Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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