She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
