Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
