These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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