I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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