I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
