i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
