NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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