its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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