I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
