I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
