So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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