Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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