Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
