Don't make out with my wife yet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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