People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
