why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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