how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
