proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
