Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
