Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
