I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
