FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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