In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
