I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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