When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
