Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i will never coherently bang her
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
