I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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