So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
