I think my vagina is haunted
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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