Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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