last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You left your phone here
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