And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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