high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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