That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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