1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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