Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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