mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
