went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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