If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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