yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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