she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
