i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i came on her dog
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
