Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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