Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize