I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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