All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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