I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
