Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
