so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
