The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
now i know why i became what i already was.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
