Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
