I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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