Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
