there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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