"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
