I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
