it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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