Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
