alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
