i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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